Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Weigh-In

Well, it's been a long week.  I didn't really want to go in today either.  I have been good, but I feel as though I am kinda at a stand still.  I am down 1 more pound bringing my total to 58 lbs.  I feel like I am just creeping to the 60 mark.  This weekend will be kind of touchy too.  We leave in the morning to go to Auburn for the Ga-Aub game.  So, I'm not making any promises!!!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Dinner TIME

The good news is that I only have to cook twice this week!!  We have a business dinner on Thursday night and a surprise birthday party on Friday night and Saturday we will be at the GA-AUB game!!!  Woo Hoo!!!  So here are the 2 things I am cooking this week.

Stir-fry (fresh green beans, mushrooms, broccoli)
  noodles for the kids

Rice for the kids

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Dinner Time

Just wanted to let you know that there will be NO menu this week. I am not going to be cooking AT ALL! Frank is leaving EARLY Monday morning (like around 330am) to go to South Dakota on a hunting trip and he will be gone all week long. And 2 nights this week we will go to the fair along with Wednesday night being church supper. Sooo....

I'm going to go ahead and confess that I have eaten waaaay more candy than I ever intended!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday Weigh-In

Thank the Lord that I actually made some progress this week, DESPITE the fact that it has been all things candy this week.  Not that I have partaken in the candy (okay, maybe a piece or two) but for the first year no overindulgence!  

So at my weigh-in today I had lost another 3 lbs which puts my total for the week to 4 lbs.  Bringing me to 58lbs gone.  Only 2 more till I hit the 60lb mark!  Very excited!  Although, not sure I will make it there by Monday...  

Hey, you got a little chocolate there in the corner of your mouth!!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Thursday's Crockpotalooza-1


So, Boo Mama is hosting a Crockpotalooza which is great for a couple of reasons. One, I love a good crockpot recipe and I am always looking for new recipes to use in my crockpot. Two.... I love most anything that ends in PALOOZA!! So here is mine for this Thursday. I made it last week and it was soo good. It has been tweaked a little so hope you enjoy it!


4 soft corn tortillas cut into 1-by-2 inch strips
I lb boneless, skinless chicken breast diced (OR sometimes I use the grilled chicken that is frozen and already in strips!)
3 cu frozen bell pepper and onion mix
1 can black beans
1 TBS ground cumin
2 14 oz cans of reduced sodium chicken broth
1 15oz can diced tomatoes w/green chilies
2 TBS lime juice
1/2 cu fresh cilantro (you can leave out if you are not a big fan of the cilantro)
3/4 cup shredded cheddar or monterey jack cheese

Preheat your oven to 350 and bake tortillas on baking sheet until browned and crisp. (10 minutes app)
Cook chicken in skillet long enough to brown, but not all the way cooked.
Add all ingredients to crockpot (except cheese and tortilla strips) and cook on low for 4 hrs. When ready to eat, top your bowl of soup w/cheese and tortilla strips.

The green chilies do cause it to pack a little heat. So, if you don't like that just use regular diced tomatoes. The hotter the better for me!! Enjoy!

Monday, October 27, 2008


Well, I missed my Friday weigh-in.  Something came up and I had to be gone for most of the day so I couldn't go.  I went this morning instead.  Let me just preface this by saying that it was NOT a great food weekend.  I didn't overeat... I just didn't eat like I was supposed to.  So the bottom line is that I am only down 1 lb.  But, I will take that.  At least it wasn't a gain!  I have to go back Friday.  Hopefully my numbers will be better then!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Dinner Time

Well, it's that time again. Time for some good dinners. Last week's were pretty good. The Herb-roasted chicken is always good. And as an added bonus, when I went to W/D to buy it, it was on sale. So, I got the whole chicken for $5.82. Can you believe that?? The Chicken Tortilla Soup was fabulous!! I loved it. I did mine in the crockpot too which made it even easier and better if that was possible. The scallops, well, they were okay. The hubby didn't care for them because unbeknownst to me, he doesn't like sweet flavors on his scallops. Fine on fish, just not on scallops. Whatever... So onto this weeks newest menu!!

MONDAY Pork Chops w/Apricot-Tomato Chutney
Couscous (for the kids only)

TUESDAY Baked Flounder Parmesan
Green Beans
Noodles (kids only)

THURS Pesto Chicken Spirals
Roasted Broccoli
Rice (kids only)

FRIDAY Eating out and TRICK OR TREAT!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Shopping Spree

Last night, the hubs let me go shopping with my mom after dinner because well, I desperately needed some stuff. I had waited as long as I possibly could and so a couple of our stores were having some very good sales and I guessed now was as good a time as any. The only rule he gave was NOT to bring home ONE.SINGLE.ITEM for the kids. Rats! There was some stuff I wanted to look for them too.

Anyway, don't think I didn't NOT get a budget cause I did, so it wasn't a total spree, but it was good! Can I just say how nice it was for the first time in a looooong time to not have to go to the "big girls" side. And to have my mom say "I think you need a size smaller". To have things fit you right and look good on. Not like you are just trying to cover up and hide everything?? It was a wonderful shopping experience. The first in a long time. And I was able to get some really cute stuff. The kind of stuff my bff likes to wear, not just some mumus :)

They finally emailed my 50 lb weight loss picture to me so I thought I would post that today too. So here is the before and after!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Dinner Time

What a week!! The pork tenderloin w/ apples from last week was pretty good. Wasn't great, but it was good. I would make it again. And the ribs and chicken from the Wienie Roast were fabulous! There is another repeater on this weeks list. I am not making it twice, I just had to rearrange some things last week!! Enjoy!

Monday Broiled Scallops w/Sweet Lime Sauce

Tuesday Herb Roasted Chicken (this is from W/D)
mashed potatoes (kids only)
green beans

Thurs Chicken Tortilla Soup

Friday sandwich night (getting ready for party on Saturday)

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday Weigh-In

As I have said before, the last couple of weeks have been a real struggle.  I have fallen off the wagon several times and it affected my weight loss the most last week.    So, I was definitely hoping for a better week this time.  Today, when I weighed, I have lost another 3 lbs. bringing my total to 54lbs!!! Yaaaaaayyyyy!!!!!  My short term goal now is to have another 30 gone by Christmas.  That is 10 weeks away!  

Okay, gotta go get ready for the party/bonfire out here tonight!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Wanna Lick??

It usually starts with just a lick... or a taste.  That is how I normally begin to walk off the beaten path.  Shortly thereafter, I begin to run at a full blown sprint from said path.  I always think I can control myself with just having ONE of something, but it doesn't usually work out that way.  Like say, a doughnut.  OMG!  What I would give for a hot, glazed KK doughnut.  But, I know it won't stop at one doughnut.

Isn't this how we are with God too.  The things that He has set off limits to us, just starts with a "lick" so to speak.  We have that thought about whatever and pretty soon, we are dwelling on it.  Then we think that we can have just a "taste".  Then the taste isn't enough either and we fool ourselves into thinking that just ONE is okay.  When the Lord brings conviction, we justify our behavior to ourselves, making it easier to do it again, or have another.

Satan usually brings just enough truth into the situation to make it easier for us to slip, to fall.  That is why we must be so on guard.  He comes to kill, steal, and destroy.  But even with the things the Lord has set off limits to us, they are meant for our protection, and for our good.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Ends up I only cooked ONE day last week!!  Lucky me!!  Had some family come into town and ended up having a cookout at Frank's uncles place.  So, again, you will find a repeat on this weeks menu!!

rice (for the kids ONLY)

butter beans (for the kids ONLY)

green beans

FRIDAY Holy Ghost Weenie Roast w/ the college & career kids @ our house
Ribs & Chicken
Baked Beans
Twice Baked Potato Casserole
Desserts (not sure what yet)


Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Weigh-In

Well, I already spilled the beans on what a terrible week I had in the eating department.  And I was hoping to just break even.  I didn't.  But I only gained 1/2 pound.  I think I really did break even, because I didn't go potty before I weighed and well, honestly, it's that time for me so I am retaining water!  Sadly, that is not what the scale reflected.  I am trying not to get to down on myself.  Next week will be a better week!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Hard Times

Why does loosing weight have to be so stinkin' hard?  This week so far has NOT been a good week for me.  I have fallen off the wagon a few times.  Sometimes, I just get so tired of constantly thinking about what I am eating, what I have to eat later, how much of it to eat, blah, blah blattity blah blah blah!!!  Let's recount the bad (only because occasionally I like to relive the past)
1 piece of gluton free chocolate cake. (this tasted like straight fudge.  like the chocolate layer in the middle of an ice cream cake from DQ. *yummo*)
chips and salsa from mexican resturant
quesadilla from same resturant
and the worst was last night we ate at a family cookout and everything was FRIED!! Not to mention biscuits and grits and caramel cake.  OUCH!!  Straight from my lips to my hips, and butt, and thighs, and arms...

So, when I go for my weigh-in on Friday, I am just hoping to break even.  No loss or gain!  Thankfully, I have caught up with the wagon I fell off from and am back on! Whew!!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Dinner Review

I thought you might like some feedback on some of these dinners.  Some were new to me, and some were not ( although each time cooking can be a totally different outcome!!!)

The Glazed Sirloin was great.  Even the leeks were good.  I would give it a 4 out of 5.

The Baked Snapper was fabulous.  It was spicy even with only 1 pepper.  But I like it that way.  Make extra of the butter sauce though.  I made mine with the Can't believe it's not butter.  Very low fat.  I give it a 5!  It was really good.

The Grilled Chicken w/ Pineapple was really good too.  I give it a 4 for the chicken itself.  The spaghetti squash... not that great.  I think I undercooked it.  And I love squash so I wasn't really sure why I didn't like it, but not my fave!

Sizzling Garlic & Citrus Shrimp was gooood! Yummy shrimp!  Definitely gets a 4!

Thats all I can remember so maybe I will do better next time!

Saturday, October 4, 2008


Okay, here is this weeks menu.  You will note that Monday was on the menu last week.  I didn't make it because we ate at the club after we had our membership pictures taken.

Roasted Broccoli
Spaghetti Squash

Rice (for the kids only)

WEDNES Church Supper

THURSDAY Business Dinner

FRIDAY Chicken Quesadillas (I know we have these alot, but they are quick and easy and 
the kids will ALL eat them!

Yeah!! Two nights that I don't have to cook!  Lucky me!!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Weigh-In

Today, is the dreaded weigh-in day!  And I actually did not go Monday, because I had just gotten home from the beach and made some...well...poor choices while I was there.  Not many.  But a few.  So, needless to say, I was a tad bit worried.  I was just praying that I would break even and not gain anything.  But I am glad to say, that surprisingly enough I had my biggest week in a while.  I am down another 3.5 lbs this week!! And that includes my beach trip!  That brings my total to 51 lbs so only another 49 to go.  It does feel good to have the road ahead shorter than how far I've come.  Finally.  And by next week I will have reached a personal goal that I had set for myself (I will share that later). I will post my 50 lb picture as soon as they send it to me!  Have a GREAT weekend!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Plank

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I go to the gym and take a step and sculpt class.  It has really made a huge difference in a LOT of ways to my weight loss process.  In the beginning, it was really, really hard to go.  I found a million excuses NOT to go every day that my class rolled around.  But, I went anyway.  And, of course, I was the biggest person in the class. Great.  Most of the "sculpting" portion of the class...I could not do.  That was also where the hate portion of my LOVE/HATE relationship with the instructor comes in.  But, I still tried to do everything anyway.  Now, I can do most everything in the class.  I can't always do them as long, or maybe as many as everyone else, but I see major improvements.

What does this have to do with the plank and what is the plank, you ask?  Let me tell you what the plank is not first.  The plank is NOT what you commonly would think of as being what people walked off or were pushed off a pirate ship; although at times it has made me wish that I was being pushed off an actual plank into the ocean.  Anyway, what it IS is an exercise that has made a TREMENDOUS difference in the abdominal region of my body.  I mean a big difference.  Did I say huge?  Okay, you get the point.

Here's how it works.  Lay on the floor, flat on your stomach.  Then, push yourself up onto your elbows and your toes ONLY, keeping your head and neck relaxed.  Sounds simple right?  Okay, go ahead and try it really quickly.  BTW, the goal is to stay in that position for 30 seconds.  Okay, now try it... Go ahead while no one is looking...  Done yet??  Oh yeah...  Did your whole body start shaking after about the 10 second mark.  Mine does every time.  You are supposed to work up to 5 reps of 10 holding each for 30 seconds.  Talk about abs of steel.  If I ever make it that far.  So far I can do 3 reps of 8 holding each for 30 seconds.  But even now, every time I get the body shakes around the 10/12 second mark...on EVERY one of them.  Oh well, it's nice to have goals I guess.  Try them.  I am even starting to see where my abs are supposed to be.  They are trying to come out.  If they don't...I guess I'll just have to walk that plank after all... 

Monday, September 29, 2008


Here is this weeks dinner menu

  • MONDAY      GLAZED SIRLOIN WITH LEEKS (did not fix this before)
  •                        ASPARAGUS
  •                        MASHED POTATOES (for the kids only)

  •                        GREEN BEANS
  •                        SALAD


  •                           ROASTED BROCCOLI
  •                           SPAGHETTI SQUASH

  •                        CHICKEN QUESADILLAS
  •                        SALAD

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Wednesday Weigh-In

Well, this will be short and to the point...there will be No Friday weigh-in cause I will be at the beach!!! So, I went today instead and since it has not been a week...the weight loss will not be as much.  Also, I have been sick for 2 days and not eating or drinking very much.  You would think that would help right?  Well, it doesn't.  It actually makes you gain in the short term because your body goes into survival mode and begins to store everything it has.  So, the long and the short of it is I am down 1 more pound, which brings me to a grand total of 47.5lbs.  Hopefully, I will behave myself at the beach...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Food For Thought

If I put a crouton on my ice cream sundae, can I count that as my salad????

Just asking...

Sunday, September 21, 2008

What Are You Waiting For?

I have to confess that before I started this journey, I just wanted to have lipo or a tummy tuck (or in my case a stomach removal)  or lap-band or something.  I wanted something that I thought would be a "quick-fix", something that wouldn't take much effort on my part. ( Now, I don't need any ugly comments about what I just said.  That's what I thought in my fat-trapped warped mind.  I know that each of those things have their own set of difficulties and hardships.)  I wanted the easy way out.

Isn't that so where we have gotten today.  Always wanting the easy road?  Whatever takes the least amount of effort?  I am pretty sure that the Word gives us some advice about this...

Here is a passage out of the Message from Matthew 7 that I love.
13-14"Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention.

God never said the best would be easy.  In fact, He repeatedly tells us that it isn't.

I also had hoped that this would be a short journey.  I wanted the weight to just...well, kinda...fall off, I guess.  I don't know.  I guess I had a dream that I would just wake up one morning and all of a sudden I would be thin.  Well, you know what Frank always says?  "It's nice to have a dream"  Whatever...

Then in my Bible study, I kinda discovered why I think for me this process must take a while.  Why the wait must be so long.  See, the really mature woman(okay person) in Christ knows how to wait on the Lord.  To wait with integrity.  You really have to trust God to wait.  I have to trust God that I will make it to the finish line and make it to my goal.  I have to trust God that through the holidays and birthday parties and football games that I (we) can make good choices.  And when I don't feel like I can, I turn to Him instead of my old ways of looking to myself and my emotions.  Waiting requires so much maturity that I understand why most of us just give up.  The wait sometimes just seems way too long.  To wait on the Lord means choosing a higher road that I have not always been willing to take in the past.

But when we change the way we look at our wait...that in that period of waiting, God wants to show me and teach me and grow me,  my whole attitude takes a new form.  See instead of just kinda standing around with my arms crossed and tapping my toes and aimlessly looking around while I wait (and might I add a few huffs and puffs cause I think I have waited long enough) now I can wait with purpose.  I can spend my waiting entrusting this particular area of my life to God.  That He really does care enough about IS important to Him.  And I can trust Him to see me through it.  And I can spend this waiting season committing this area to prayer.  Instead of just sitting around...

What I have come to realize is that is not really about the length of time that you wait...but how you waited that matters most.  

What are you waiting for?

Friday, September 19, 2008

Friday Weigh-In

Well, it's that time again....went for my Friday weigh-in.  And as of today, I have lost a total of 46.5lbs.  Not a tremendous improvement over last week, but I did eat a cookie this week...
So, I will just keep at it...not the cookies, I mean.  The loosing weight part.  Well, you know!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Top 10 Things I Look Forward To About Not Being Fat

  1. Actually going shopping with other PEOPLE for a change/not having to hide when I see someone coming I know (don't lie, you've done it too)
  2. Not feeling guilty about eating dessert...occasionally
  3. Going to the beach and not feeling like Orca the Whale
  4. Not having to wear a bathing suit w/a skirt (not that there is anything wrong with that. they are cute.  but when you are fat you feel like you HAVE to wear one!)
  5. Wearing clothes without a letter behind the number
  6. My arms not waving at me while I am waving at you
  7. Being able to tuck my shirt in my pants...and it not scare you
  8. Being able to wear belts again that aren't the size of the equator
  9. Being able to share/borrow clothes with friends (well, maybe not my current friends, but maybe I can find some new ones that aren't quite sooo skinny!!)
  10. Actually WANTING to be in pictures with my friends and my family again!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Water, Water, Water

Before I started this process, I had always heard how important water was, but just kind of brushed it aside.  I liked my Dr Pepper too much.  The real Dr Pepper by the way...not the "I'm calling myself the real thing but I'm not so don't even bother picking me up" or the " I have diet in the title so I taste similar but still not good enough".  Okay.  Do you understand.  I wanted the real stuff.  You know at 160 cal a piece.  And I went through several a day.  Let's just say that I drank  A LOT of my calories!!  But, once I started this process and got really serious and actually took the time to learn the effects of it, especially in the dietary process...I was very surprised.  See, I didn't know how much of it I actually needed.  Just the average body needs 64oz per day.  But, for those of us trying to loose weight, we need more.  How much more?  Eight ounces more for every 25lbs you are overweight.  That's right.  You heard me.  However, you should never drink more than 96oz in a day.  Too much is just as bad for you as too little.  If you don't drink enough water your fat cells swell up to hold onto whatever water they have.  And, if you drink too much, they swell with the excess water.  So, it's important that you drink the right amount.

When they first told me how much water I was going to have to drink, I thought to myself "I will never be able to do that.  I won't have time to do anything else!!" (I started out at the 96oz level, by the way)  And I had to work my way up to it, that's for sure.  But when they told me that all the peeing it would make me do was one of the main ways that my body would get rid of the fat, you better believe I started downing that water like there was no tomorrow!!  The good news is, the more you loose, the less you have to drink :)  Actually, it's not so bad.  And I do have time to do other things.  And I don't ONLY drink water either.

What's been interesting has been all of the thinking this has lead me to about Jesus referring to Himself as the living water.  I mean, do you think it's an accident that He compares himself to what is essentially the most important thing to our bodies?  Water is what our bodies are primarily composed of, not bone or muscle.  And  water is the only real thirst quenching drink there is.  The others just make you more thirsty!

Here are some verses where Jesus talks about living water.  Drink and Enjoy!

JOHN 4:14(NIV)
but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst.  Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. 

JOHN 7:37-39(NIV)
On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."  By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive.  Up tot hat time the Spirit had not been given, since Jesus had not yet been glorified.

He said to me: "It is done.  I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End.  To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.

The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.

Saturday, September 13, 2008



MONDAY       WHOLE HERB ROASTED CHICKEN (Winn Dixie has the best)
                         GREEN BEANS

                        MASHED POTATO (for the kids only)



                          SAUTEED ZUCCHINI
                          SALAD W/ ORANGES 

Friday, September 12, 2008

Friday Weigh-In

On Friday's I have to go to the center and weigh in and have my food sheet checked (yes I have to keep up with it :))  They make sure that I don't have any questions about what I ate or should have eaten...  you get the picture.  And we talk about upcoming events and what will be the best choices at those times or what I can do to avoid making bad ones.  Once a month I get measured and at every 10lb loss they take my picture.  So, as of today, I have lost 44lbs and 53.5"  Yes, I have on workout clothes in both pictures because I always come straight from the gym to the center.  And yes, I have on a cap in both pics because always always I wear a cap to the gym.  Happy Friday!!!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Reasons for the Journey Part 3

Well, I was going to wait until tomorrow to do this part, but since I'm still up I figured might as well...

I am sorry to say that this part of my reason didn't come until later.  Much later.  See, I have been in this process for 16 weeks now, so it's not new.  During my quiet time and time of Bible study, the Lord began to point some things out to me that quite frankly, I just didn't really want to hear.  I basically had to accept the fact that my being overweight was, well, sin.  Ouch.  Yeah, that one hurt.  Of course, my first reaction (embarrassingly enough) was to argue my points to the Lord.  Here they are in no particular order:
I am an emotional eater
You don't know my past (duh)
I don't have time to eat right
It's too expensive to buy all the healthy food
It's in my family
You don't know my past hurts that I like to relive (again, DUH)
I..I....well, I.... I AM SOUTHERN DAWG GONE IT AND WE LIKE TO EAT!! (there I said it)

He didn't care.  So, then He showed me why.  You see, what it all boiled down to at the heart of it all, was that I had made food an idol.  Yes, food was an idol for me.  Exodus 20:3-4 says "You shall have NO other gods before me.  You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven or on the earth beneath or in the waters below."  Yowch. (is that a word? I don't know)  I had let food replace my God for my needs.  Okay so lets take my list to prove it.
I am an emotional eater-so I turn to food instead of God?  How stupid could I have been?
Guilt from my past-instead of turning to God or the Word to be reminded of my forgiveness, I turned to food for my solace?  Time-you make time for what is important to just do.  Asking God to help me prioritize my time would have been better. And so on and so on...

He didn't stop there.  God made it clear from the very beginning in Genesis 1 that we were created in His image.  He also created us body, mind/soul, and spirit.  Those are three very priceless gifts.  My mirror and scales told me that I was not treating them with the reverence and respect that they deserved.  In 1 Corinthians 6:19, He says, "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?"  My body isn't even my own.  I'm just supposed to take care of it.  And I wasn't doing a very good job.

So, my focus changed, shifted.  I began to commit this area of my life to prayer as well.  After all, doesn't the Word say" IN EVERYTHING, WITH PRAYER AND SUPPLICATION MAKE YOUR PETITIONS KNOWN."?  So, this too.  And, it matters.  It made a difference.  It helps me make better choices.  Sixteen weeks in, I am 41lbs lighter.  And even though I have a way to go, now I feel like I CAN DO THIS.  Not because of anything in myself, but because of Who is in me.

Reasons for the Journey Part 2

I had more reasons for beginning this journey other than just vanity.  I'm not that shallow.  I mean, there was the obvious health reasons.  Heart attack, stroke, high cholesterol.  Not to mention I had a hard time bending over to tie my shoes.  I was easily winded going up a flight of stairs or having to walk quickly anywhere, which did not bode well for me having 3 young children.  So, after seeing the success that a friend of mine had at a local weight loss center here in town, I decided to check it out.  Hey, I'm no dummy.  I knew that I couldn't do it by myself.  By myself is what got me in the shape I was in anyway.  There was no way I was doing this without some accountability.  I went and met with them and liked the way the program was set up.  Then...I had to actually get on the scales.  Wha...  Okay.  I did.  And I was HORRIFIED!!  It was even WORSE than I thought.  How is this possible??!!  I just wanted to run and hide.  I guess the sweet girl(I say girl but I mean woman) could see the look in my eyes and she just said "Honey, that's why your here".

I came home and talked it over with Frank.  He gave it some thought(prayer) and said he was willing to do whatever I thought would help me the most and he would be there to support long as I stuck to it.  Okay.  Fair enough.  But I made him promise not to tell anyone what I was doing.  He kinda looked at me funny, but by now we have been together long enough that sometimes he just knows not to ask.  But, I was embarrassed.  Embarrassed that I was having to go to such an "extreme" measure.  That's the way I thought of it.  Embarrassed that I had let it get this far.  Embarrassed that I had let myself gain so much weight.  Embarrassed that I even needed help.  Why do we do that?  Why do we cut the people off that love us the most when we have situations that we can't deal with, or are too big for us?  I guess it's also that kind of mentality that I need to get in shape BEFORE I can start working out at the gym!

Anyway,  I started on the program and Frank even agreed to do it with me because he needed to loose some weight too.  Granted, not as much as I did.  My goal was 100lbs.  His around 45lbs.  I also started going to the Y, taking a step aerobics class.  Let me just say right now that I honestly thought those first few weeks of working out...I was going to die.  Literally.  It took everything I had not to get so winded that I would pass out.  But I stuck to it.  The working out and the program.  I even decided that NOT telling people was the wrong thing to do.  Because, just like I needed the centers help...I needed their help and support too.  And guess what?  No one ever looked at me like I had 3 heads or anything when I told them what I was doing to loose weight.  Everyone just encouraged me to keep going...

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Reasons for the Journey Part 1

Vanity.  Pure and simple.  That's why I started.  But you have to understand, I had let myself get to the point where nothing really fit anymore.  Not even the "big girl" clothes.  One size would be huge, but the size under that would be too tight in places.  I seriously had nothing in my closet that I felt good about being in.  I was also at that place where when people would make jokes about themselves or their relatives(mostly older people) having the "arm-hangy-downy-stuff", you know that waves back at you when you are waving at people.  I would laugh, but try to hide my arms because I had it too.  Big time.  Or they would make some comment about thunder thighs or pants making noise when so & so walked by, I would chuckle with them.  But it was only to hide the fact that I was one of the ones that they were making fun of.  Basically, I was fat.  Really, really fat.

To make matters worse, none of my friends were.  I don't just mean that they were all healthy looking.  They are all "I really hate them" skinny people.  But I mean that with all the love in my heart!  Here is a real life example that I promise I am not making up.  Frank and I went on a beach trip with 2 of my very loved skinny friends and their families. ( Why I did this to myself I will never know) One of the things we did for each other while there was to take turns watching each others kids while the other couple went for a walk on the beach or a swim or whatever.  So, while M & K went for their walk, I being the good friend that I am, decided to fold K's laundry that was in the dryer for her so it would be all nice and folded when she came back.  I accomplished this goal and waited for her reaction.  I had the kids clothes on their bed and M & K's clothes on their bed.  K just smiled so big when she saw the pile of her daughters clothes.  
Ashley  Whats the matter
K            Nothing except that those aren't R's panties
Ashley Well whose panties are they then
K            They're mine *smirk and giggle out loud***

Did I casually forget to mention that not only was her daughter 4 at the time, but K was also 5mo pregnant with her 3rd baby?  I hate her...

But they are all that way really.  And you know how on TV there is always the 1 fat friend in the group?  One day while I was with some of them, I started to look around and I thought "Where are all the fat people?  Really, where are they?"  And then I realized...I was it.  I was the fat friend.  I can not tell you how I felt at that moment.  No, not one of them has ever done anything to make me feel uncomfortable (except be a size 0/2) or said anything to make me feel that way.  I just woke up that's all.

So, my reason 1st and foremost was vanity.  I just didn't want to be the fat friend anymore.  I didn't want to be self-conscious around the people that I dearly loved anymore.